So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
