Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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