Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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