What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
