It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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