Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
