chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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