Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
