I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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