So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
