i think my tv is drunk
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
