Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
