i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
