I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
