dude i'm inner monologue high
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
