just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
