i just google imaged poop.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
