Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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