I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
