Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
