I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
