got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Sober January is a disaster.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
