Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
