she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
