Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
