How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I want to be your penis for a week.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
