During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
