You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize