i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
