My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
