tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
