so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
