I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
