I like my sex mixed with concussions.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
