All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
