Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
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New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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