hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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