He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
