sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize