I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
