You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
