Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We had to coat check the pizza.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
