...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
