This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
