So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
