i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've blown a few things in my day
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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