Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
