he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
