Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
