The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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