If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
