i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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