You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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