i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
