i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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