Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
