Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
