I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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