i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
