Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
