Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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