Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
