Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
