I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
