in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
