Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
