After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
