This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
