Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
