I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
