So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
