I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
