just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize