she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
