Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
