I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
