I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
