For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
