Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
