Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
